Oh lawd, Straw Hat-based fanfiction?

[pikabot]

Title: Duel of Honor
Fandom: One Piece
Rating: I'm going to go with PG on this one. There's nothing here that you wouldn't see on the show.
Word Count: 1078
Summary: Zoro and Sanji fight a lot. Like, even more than usual.
Other: Beta'ed by the wonderful sasori_katana.

Zoro drew the Sandai Kitetsu, the blade glinting in the firelight as he held it down by his side. The sun had long since dipped below the horizon, leaving only the orange sky and crackling bonfires to illuminate his battle, but it was more than enough. He was vaguely aware of the beating of drums in the background, but he studiously ignored the sound and focused on his opponent.

“Come on,” he said as he pulled the sword up to a ready stance, “or are your balls as small as the rest of you?”

“Shut the fuck up, shitty marimo!” Sanji shouted as he launched himself forward. Zoro slashed out at him, but Sanji kicked the blade aside with his right foot before twisting around in midair to shoot out his left leg in a devastating back kick. Zoro leaned to the side, allowing the kick to pass within inches of his face, and then he whipped his sword upwards. Sanji twisted again, and the cursed blade passed harmlessly by his face, cutting nothing but a few strands of hair. 

Sanji landed roughly on the ground behind Zoro, rolling back up to his feet. Both of them turned at the same time, and a thick-soled black shoe collided with Zoro's katana with enough force that it disturbed the grass beneath them, sending a ripple outwards from the point of contact.

The two combatants held their positions for a moment, grimacing stubbornly as they tried to gain an advantage over the other. Then they flew apart, catapulted backwards by the resulting pressure. Sanji, ever graceful, turned the freefall into a backflip and landed on his feet. Zoro, by contrast, slid along the ground, his sword ripping up clods of dirt as he dug it into the ground to slow himself.

Sanji dashed forward, but Zoro held his position. He drew the Wadō Ichimonji, his second blade (currently also his only other blade. He really needed to find a replacement for Yubashiri soon), and gripped it tightly in his other hand. He arranged both swords carefully, and then slashed the very air itself.

“Seventy-two pound cannon!” he shouted as a blade of air shot forward, towards Sanji. The deadly pressure wave tore through the ground before him, looming overwhelmingly large.

Sanji was unimpressed. “Do you really think that'll work?” he shouted disdainfully as he leaped up and to the right, dodging it with ease. As he fell to earth he brought one foot down to strike the ground with tremendous force. “Pierre Volcanique!”

The ground beneath his feet cracked, and something almost imperceptible passed through the earth between them and Zoro. At the last moment, the swordsman leaped backwards, jumping high into the air as the ground beneath his feet exploded upwards. Huh, Zoro thought, that's new. Sanji had somehow attacked the ground in a way that caused the blow to travel through the earth and explode at Zoro's feet. Interesting.

Sanji jumped up after him, both feet coming up with crushing blows, which Zoro parried. Feet and blades clashed again and again, keeping almost perfect time with the sound of drums.

Nami looked over at Chopper and Usopp, who were beating said drums in a repetitive pattern that was beginning to get on her nerves. “Is that really necessary, guys?” she asked.

Chopper was outraged. “Of course!” he shouted, never missing a beat. On the other side of him, Usopp nodded in agreement.

“A man's duel of honor must have a musical accompaniment,” he said. 

Nami slapped her forehead in annoyance. She would never understand this crew. “It's not a 'duel of honor', it's just two big guys working the testosterone out of their systems!”

“Duel. Of. Honor.”

Nami gritted her teeth and let out a growl of rage. These...these men were so ridiculous.

Sanji and Zoro were always fighting, of course, but this fight was different. Usually, tossing a kick or slash the other's way was just a way of letting off steam, and sometimes saying hello. But they'd passed through a rough patch of ocean on the way to this island, and with tempers running even shorter than usual they'd gotten into a fight that nearly did some serious damage to the Thousand Sunny before Franky intervened.

“That's it!” Franky shouted at them. “I've had enough of cleaning up after you two for one trip. Either you both wait until we hit an island before fighting, or I'll blow you both out to sea and you can settle your differences out there!”

“Fine,” Zoro said, “I can kick his ass just as easily on land.”

“Fine,” Sanji said, “it doesn't matter to me if he loses here, or on an island.”

“Love cook.”

“Shitty marimo.”

The rest of the voyage went fairly peacefully. Occasionally the two would run afoul of each other, and one would growl at the other, or perhaps a sword would flash in the sunlight...but then Franky would growl at them, and they would separate. But now they were on dry land, and seemed intent on beating the hell out of each other.

Zoro brought both swords crashing down, but Sanji rolled to the right, then came up again with a pair of crushing snap kicks. Sanji pressed the offensive, standing on his hands and whirling his legs around with deadly velocity, forcing the swordsman back.

“This is so stupid,” Nami said to Robin as Sanji pushed off of the ground, rocketing his feet towards the marimo's face. “Why can't these two just work out their issues without killing each other?”

Robin chuckled. “I suggest that you look a little closer. Those two got their aggressions out almost six hours ago.”

“That doesn't make any sense,” Nami insisted. “Why would they keep fighting if they...” She trailed off as she squinted into the firelight, following Robin's advice, and she noticed something. The wide grin on Zoro's face, the glint in Sanji's eyes, the wild, foolhardy moves they were pulling off...

“Oh my god,” Nami said, her jaw sinking to the ground. “They aren't doing this for fun, are they?”

“It would appear so,” Robin said, her voice tainted with faint amusement.

“But that's even stupider!” Nami exclaimed, throwing up her hands. “Why would they...I don't...argh! I will never understand those two!”

Robin chuckled again, then crossed her arms and watched as Zoro and Sanji, sweat flying off of their brows, spun about and came crashing back together again.

Crossposted to one_piece, onepiece_fics, fanfic100